Maybe you’ve been taking lessons for a while and the professional varnish has worn off, a bit of crazy is shining through. Perhaps you’re not clicking with the trainer’s methods (getting yelled at is generally stressful for me. But maybe you’re a glutton for punishment. To each her own). Or maybe you want to try the latest and greatest trainer to breeze into your barn. Whatever the reason, you want to quit the current trainer. So how do you go about doing it?

Change your phone number. Deactivate all social media. Move towns. Seriously consider going into witness protection.

No really, it feels like that doesn’t it? Like you’re not just saying you want to take an extended break from a business relationship (see ya Comcast Cable!) but that you’re telling a trusted friend you no longer want to hang out. There’s no two ways about it. Feelings are probably going to get hurt.

If you’ve only taken a lesson or two from someone, they probably won’t mind or think much about your departure and the reason given. There might be a passing thought about what happened to the girl who could never sit back in the saddle and relax on her dang horse (yours truly) but then they’d go back to their regularly scheduled lessons and think nothing more about you. The problematic breakups are the relationships you’ve had for years.

Breaking up is hard to do. You’re just going to have to accept that, even though it’s a business relationship, there are people with feelings and livelihoods involved. If you wouldn’t breakup with your hairdresser and then use the woman at the next station over (so awkward!) then you should realize that ending your training relationship with your current trainer and switching to someone else who moves in the same circles (breed circuit, performance shows, etc.) is going to have its awkward spots. But, being that I care deeply about avoiding awkward situations, I’ve gathered some tips to help you navigate the minefield of a trainer breakup.

Give Tactful Feedback

When you’re giving the reasons why, be honest, but not nitpicky. (Yes, you should give a reason.) The trainer doesn’t need to know that at a show last March she spent 30 more minutes coaching Suzie with the country pleasure horse than she did helping you. Your trainer doesn’t even know where he or she was two weeks ago (was it Nampa or Scottsdale?) there’s no way they’re going to remember some perceived slight you experienced at a show almost a year ago. If the bigger issue is that you don’t feel like you’re getting the attention you need, then say that and that you’d like to see if a different trainer can help you work through some issues you feel you’re having. (Like you’re a diva and need way more attention. But you don’t have to disclose that.) Giving feedback about why you’re leaving allows the trainer a chance to evaluate their methods. But make the feedback about your personal experience. Which brings me to my next tip.

Make It About Yourself

Use lots of “I feels,” like, “I feel really anxious with you yelling at me like a German drill sergeant and I’d like to try something different for a bit.” Under no circumstances should you launch an assault on the trainer’s methods, beliefs, behavior, WHATEVER. I don’t care how nuts Hunt Seat Harriet the trainer is, attacking anyone is never going to result in some kind of introspective breakthrough in which they fall at your feet and thank you for illuminating their horrible deficiencies. In fact, when people are feeling defensive they tend to strike back, or point out the flaws in your logic. So you might end up getting return fire in the form of your flaws listed off like a horse show pack list. Or you could end up tongue tied as the trainer out-maneuvers your reasons for departure and leaves you feeling like you actually have no business leaving. Or both. The best defense against ending up down a road of personal attacks or debates about the merits of your critique is just to keep that spotlight on yourself. Certainly you can express that you feel the relationship isn’t working, or that you’re bored, or that need a break. But I would steer clear of character assassinations.

Keep It Positive

There are set of men who tadalafil without rx cute-n-tiny.com do not have a normal size of the penis in erect condition. The results of your real bodily coupled with nerve consultations viagra without prescriptions canada includes that have testing email address details are really carefully evaluated to be sure of a diagnosis. There are several types of herbal teas even self-cultivation, in tadalafil tablets prices Yan Yishou effect on its head the. We are listing some stamina boosting tips, you are unable to perform confidently in online cialis no prescription bed, then you should take the help of world class ED medicines have used common ingredients. Keep the relationship positive. The horse world is small. The horse show world is even smaller, microscopic really. Don’t go burning bridges you might need to cross again.  I don’t care if the trainer is the biggest jerk you’ve ever met in your entire life. What if that jerk marries a woman who is God’s perfect gift to dressage riders everywhere and you want to be back in that barn suffering through the husband’s idiotic comments/banter/opinions just for the chance at some of Dressage-Wife’s training genius? That’s gonna be hard to negotiate if you stormed out of jerk-trainer’s barn a year earlier telling him what a turd he was and how you’d never darken the threshold of his barn doors ever again. I don’t know about you but I really hate eating crow. I hate it more than I hate keeping my trap shut when I’d rather tell someone off. Just don’t. It’s not worth it.

No Gossiping

At the same time you shouldn’t tell your trainer off, you also shouldn’t go around bad mouthing them. Not only will the info probably make it back to the trainer you just left, but your new trainer (and everyone else around you for that matter) is going to wonder what you say about them behind their backs. Talking crap about people is like eating Taco Bell. It might feel great in the moment, comforting, cathartic, but at some point it’s going to give you diarrhea. Wait, that’s not what—Okay I’ve lost the track of this metaphor but you get the point: talking crap about people makes bad shit happen.

Have Some Empathy

Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot. Try to be an understanding and empathetic human who recognizes that for you this is a hobby (sure, a really expensive hobby, but a hobby nonetheless) but for trainers it’s their job. Paying clients mean lights on in the barn, food on the table, and the newest Tom Balding bit in the mail. For trainers, the threat of failure lies on the other side of one too many clients leaving all at the same time. There’s legitimate fear behind the frustration, stress, and hurt feelings of you taking your business elsewhere. If you understand and respect that, you might be able to forgive a slip of the professional demeanor when you announce your departure. Your hobby is their passion, and their ability to keep living their passion is dependent on clients willingness to keep paying them.

 In summary, give your notice and a diplomatic reason why. Keep the feedback about your experience, not their personal character, and don’t burn your bridges or go around talking about the barn you left and all the crazies inside it.

 No matter what the fall out is after leaving, give it time. It might have been an awkward split, or maybe it went full on crazy-ex-girlfriend level breakup. Whichever way it goes, the best salve for a rift is a little time and distance. Don’t be afraid to give a smile and a wave at a show and celebrate the success of the barn and the clients you left behind. Just because you go pin your hopes for riderly bliss on another trainer doesn’t mean you have to stop being friends with the trainers you left.

 If you follow all of these tips to the T and find that the trainer you left is still a pile of manure somehow masquerading as a human being supposedly qualified to train horses and teach people, you gotta just shake your head, shrug it off, and then tell me your crazy story below. With names changed to protect the innocent, of course.